It has been a while since I last blogged..actually over a year..and I
figure I should give it a go again.
This past March I made the decision to commit to a trip to Honduras.
This has been a long time coming and I was so excited to finally tell Corry
& Brittany that I was going! I had finally talked my parents into letting
me go and I felt as though God had given me the “go-ahead” on it! Brittany
planned this mission trip for jhighers after going to Honduras last spring
break for a similar trip. Corry went last year and of course came home and told
me about all of the wonderful things they had experienced. I wanted to
experience it for myself and this was my chance so I snatched it up! We have a
team of 22 going to Tegucigalpa, Honduras to work at several feeding centers.
Okay...fast forward a few months. I finished out my sophomore year in
Waco, moved all of my stuff home for the summer and found a job here in Odessa.
Corry is back from studying abroad in Uruguay and we are both so excited and
thankful that we get a few months to spend together.
These past few weeks have been super busy with work, finding a new
apartment in Downtown Dallas, short trips, and just getting things ready for
the Honduras trip. My mother flew to Dallas on Sunday to pick up my sister and
then they headed to Austin where my sister would be having surgery on Monday.
My dad, on the other hand, was in charge of getting me ready to go to Honduras.
My poor parents, they had one flying overseas and one going into surgery.
Sunday, after church, my dad and I went to the last Honduras meeting
that covered final details of the trip. My dad didn’t really know what exactly
I would be doing in Honduras but had a better understanding of our goals for
the trip after the meeting. Later that afternoon we went to Academy and my dad
decided that he wanted to send pairs of tennis shoes with me and when he puts
his mind to something, he does it. So needless to say we walked away with 50
pairs of tennis shoes for kids of all sizes. My dad has such a huge heart and I
was soo grateful that he wanted to give in this way. Corry, Kameron & I
tied the shoes together and packed them in our second bags.
I have been anticipating this trip for as long as I can remember. I have
prayed over it, thought about it, planned for it, talked about it, wondered
about it. I was ready to go!
So Monday morning rolls around really quickly. We had to be at the
airport at 3:30 AM to catch our 5 AM flight. The morning hadn’t started out too
great because I had woken up late but I was able to be ready in time. Corry
wasn’t feeling well and that’s never a way to start a trip but regardless we
were excited to go. Britt gathered our passports and had begun the process of
checking in all 22 of us. She called my name in the middle of it all, from
across the airport. My stomach dropped, my heart sank and I knew right then and
there something was wrong. Her eyes said everything, my passport had expired.
How had this happened? If you know my family at all, you know that we are
always on top of things. We have misfortune sometimes when it comes to
traveling but nothing like this. These aren’t the types of mistakes we make. My
passport had expired by one month. ONE MONTH. An honest, simple mistake had
changed everything in a matter of seconds. And there was absolutely nothing I
could do about it. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, and deep down I know it comes down
to more than just a small mistake. I was in shock and of course hysterical. I
immediately called my dad hoping he could save the day. We tried everything we
could think of, called every passport place possible but the earliest I could
get to Honduras with a valid passport would have been Wednesday or Thursday. It
was more than a passport problem. I knew it was. So I had to leave the airport, with my packed
bags and an unbelievably broken heart.
And my team flew to Honduras without me.
“For my
thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither
are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the
earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my
thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah
55:8-9
I am feeling a thousand different emotions.
Sad. Hurt. Angry. Broken. Confused. Overwhelmed. Shocked. Disbelief. Bitterness.
Jealousy. Disappointment. Unworthiness. Heartbroken. Selfish.
I had longed to be in Honduras for so long and it was taken away from me
in a heartbeat. I don’t feel like the situation was in my control at all and it
is an awful feeling. I was supposed to be on a plane to Honduras with my team
but instead I was at home. I am so thankful for friends who checked on me
throughout the day but nothing was going to fix my broken heart. It all feels like a really, really bad dream.
I prayed that God knew what He was doing. That He would get the glory.
That He would bring me peace. That He
would comfort me all week. That He would take away my bitterness and replace it
with joy. That He would reveal to me His purpose for my life.
So all of
us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord.
And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are
changed into his glorious image.
2 Corinthians 3:18
Of course at this point I have to make a decision. Will I long to be in
Honduras where God has not called me to right now or will I long for Jesus? I
know in my heart that His plans are better than my plans, His ways are higher
than my ways but my mind tells me otherwise. So many reasons have crossed my
mind as to why I didn’t get to go.. Did God know that if I went I would get
attached to the children and not want to come home? That I would want to bring
a little child home? That I would get malaria? That something awful would
happen while I was away? All of these
things may seem ridiculous or far-fetched but they crossed my mind. I may never
know why I didn’t get to get on that plane but I rest in the fact that God
knows what He is doing.
Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial
because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that
the Lord has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12
I am praying that in the next few weeks God will continue to reveal to
me the calling He has on my life and the plans He has for me. Although I don’t
like what has happened, I know that I serve a sovereign God who works in my
best interest. Pray that I remain faithful and that I continue to trust in Him.
I know that He is a God of His word.
I am now in Austin with my sister and mother. This is where God wants me
right now. My sister is recovering from her surgery and doing really well!
Please be praying for Corry. He and I had been looking forward to this
trip for a very long time. We were SO excited to get to serve together and I
was anxious to see the place he cared so much about. Please pray for his health
so that he continues to feel well and have lots of energy! If I can’t be there,
I am so glad Corry is able to be. God has called him to GREAT things and I love
seeing God work in his life.
Pray for the Honduras team. Pray that they show God’s love to every
person they come in contact with. Pray that God gets all of the glory. Pray
that they aren’t just putting a “band-aid” on the problems over there but
instead “righting wrongs” as Britt would say. And pray for energy, strength,
and positive attitudes for the rest of their trip. Also, pray that God blesses
those that receive the tennis shoes we sent.
It was more than a passport mistake, it was God intervening on my behalf because He knows what is best. My present trial will be my future ministry.. wherever He has called me.
